surprise! (to us too)

Etienne and I started talking about having our own little baby at the beginning of this year and when we both thought the timing was right, and I remember wanting a baby so bad, but also being so freaked out about being in charge of another human. We talked about it on and off, but never tried officially haha, so it wasn't on the forefront of my mind. Fast forward, I had a surgery scheduled for December, and I kept telling Etienne that my biggest worry was that I was going to get pregnant before I was able to have this surgery, but that was always more of a joke than a serious worry... we were being so careful so I didn't think there was even a slight chance that anything would happen. I was at work with a coworker telling her the same thing; the only thing I was worried about for my surgery was getting pregnant beforehand. We chuckled about it, and then the more I thought about it I realized I should probably take a pregnancy test just in case because I was running late. I ran over to Harmons and got a test, came back and took it by myself at work and almost passed out when it was positive... I had fully expected it to be negative since I was genuinely taking it for peace of mind. I ran and found a onesie at Macy's and wrapped it up with the positive test to show Etienne once I was home, and then waited (I hadn't said anything to him about taking the test, but gosh it was so hard to wait all day). I came home, made dinner, and then had him come in to eat and open the "little gift" I'd gotten him. He was pretty spooked at first because he thought I was pulling a Halloween prank on him because he saw the camera filming and I tried to blindfold him haha, but the second he opened up the gift he was completely in shock, and then flipped to complete excitement :) He obviously had no clue what was coming either, so it was so fun to get such a genuine reaction out of him. 

I've had a few appointments and our first ultrasound, and baby seems to be doing great and growing normally which is such a relief. It's pretty insane that we were able to see baby on a screen and hear their heartbeat so soon, and it definitely made everything feel quite real. I've been feeling slightly nauseous all the time, really nauseous at night after I eat dinner (I haven't thrown up once though!) and SO sleepy all of the time. I fall asleep at my desk probably once a day haha it's been pretty rough. Food aversions are not fun either. Nothing (besides fruit and soft pretzels) ever sounds good right off the bat, and then halfway through a meal it'll turn and just be disgusting, so I've started eating really fast haha. My symptoms honestly aren't too bad, but they're definitely just annoying.

I've been contemplating a lot, and it's pretty wild to see how I'm already wanting to change and improve for our child. I've always always always been terrified of all doctors, needles and blood, but something flipped when I realized everything was for two bodies, not just one anymore, and I've lost a lot of that fear which is amazing. It's such a blessing to have such a wonderful motivator to better myself and my spirit and grow in so many ways. I already love this little nugget so much.